You are a golfer when....... Concluding Part

Contributed by a Golf Buddy

1. job satisfaction means weekends free for golf and weekdays free for golf research
2. you convince your wife to take up the game, just so you atleast have a 2-ball
3. the most important specification in buying a car is the boot size...it has to take your golf set, your golf cart and your friend's golf set and his golf cart- the words
4. "The woods are lovely dark and deep, and I have miles to go before I sleep" don't mean poetry to you, they just mean that you had a very bad slice on your tee-off
5. your wife stops worrying about you ever having an affair...where's the time for that?
6. "Paradise Lost" means your wife insists on joining you for your regular round of golf...henceforth
7. "Paradise Regained" means she gets pregnant
8. "Paradise Lost Again" means she is pregnant, but not by you...where was the time for 'that'?
9. you judge a man not by the size of his balls but by the brand on his balls
10. the cost on your golf set and equipment actually turns out to be an investment and not a liability
11. the only thing you want when stranded on a desert island is your sand wedge...why give up on all that potential practice?
12. you judge your friends for their easy availability to play golf and for their easy ability to lose always to you
13. all your vacation spots amazingly always seem to have an attached golf course...damn coincidence, you surely didnt plan it that way!
14. you instinctively note less than what you achieved and more than what your playing partner achieved, especially when you are the one keeping scores
15. your handicap is actually your calling card
16. everything else, including the rotation of the earth, is the cause of your disastrous shot, except your lack of skill
17. you start giving advice to your caddy on his game
18. you break 80 eighteen times in a row...till then you are just an intruder on a golf course

You know you are a golfer when....... (Part II)

Contributed by Champ, THE Golf Buddy

1. You practice your golf swing everywhere – inside a loo, a conference room, a shopping mall, the parking lot…
2. Everything around your office environs feels like a golf course. The plant on the hallway – a tree hazard. The boss’s cube – a giant pit (avoid! avoid!). The narrow carpeted passages between cubicles – a beautiful fairway…
3. Honesty and fair play comes naturally.
4. Your wardrobe does not have the following items: Jeans, round neck tees, baggy pants…
5. Driving to the course at 4:00 am in the morning to chase a golf ball for 4 hours seems to be the most normal thing to you.
6. All your vacations are planned on the basis of proximity to a golf course. No course? No go!
7. You always carry the absolute essentials when going on a business trip – money, ID, blackberry, one glove.
8. You have an Excel sheet of all the scores of your last 52 games, complete with graphs, charts and SWOT analysis.
9. You take a break from this post at this point, and tell your friend that “Hey, I am done with the front nine, back nine to go”
10. You love nature. From within.
11. You realize that in golf, as in life, sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind, the race is long…and the at the end, is only with yourself.
12. You go to pick up your buddy on a Saturday morning, you honk the horn, he comes out with his golf set on his back, and the cap on his head, and you drive off – and you know that, right at that moment, life cannot get better. (Note: This is a quote from Baz Luhrmanns song "Wear Sunscreen". http://www.lyricscrawler.com/song/3953.html)
13. Your favorite ads are those from Accenture. You wonder why they are not nominated to the Oscars.
14. Your idea of a fun weekend is to go to the golf practice range and watch others hit. And marvel at the flight of a golf ball that has been hit well. You can sit and watch for hours!
15. Your dream house is on a golf course. Facing the 18th green. So are all your golf buddy’s dream houses…
16. When you buy a new car, the first thing you check out is the boot space – how many sets can I fit into this thing? Will it fit three sets? And a cart? A friend’s cart?
17. Sometimes, grass can be more precious to you than gold. Especially if its grass from St. Andrews Golf Course. The Madikeri golf club has some of it, carefully placed in a jar for all true golfers to see and admire.
18. It takes you 18 days to write this, and you thoroughly enjoy every one of those 18 days.

You are a golfer when….

1. You find a crawling ant on the green louder than a screaming wife at home
   
2. You might be late for every meeting while you would be standing sharp on time for your tee-time
   
3. You might be an atheist for life but would think of God before hitting every shot
   
4. You stand on a beautiful beach and the sight of sand gives you a fright
   
5. You suddenly find yourself spreading your legs and wiggling your bum in a crowded room
   
6. You find yourself practicing writing with the golf grip
   
7. You see Jaani Rajkumar in a new light when you discover those hideous white shoes are actually golf shoes
   
8. You find yourself smiling at your mom-in-law after a great golf round
   
9. Your every holiday destination needs to have at least one golf course
   
10. Your wife says tea-time and your eyes light up
    
11. No one can tell you a golf joke you have not heard or read before
    
12. You take your golf set along when buying a new car
    
13. There is no posture of yoga that you cannot do
    
14. You convince your wife that caddying for you is quality time.
    
15. Swinging alone is also fun
    
16. All your friends have an handicap
    
17. You still have the hope of playing good golf week after week even after sucking at it for the last seventeen years
    
18. You are not a cow but grass makes you drool